A friend of mine said to me today that "the trouble with being friends with a creative person is that if you act like an idiot, you should be prepared to see it reflected in their art". Ok, perhaps that isn't a direct quote, but that was the idea.
And, it's true.
All artists draw on their own experience, to some extent, when creating their art. If your friend is a writer, you may see bits of yourself in their next character. If your friend is a musician, your stupidity could be immortalized in song. God help you if your friend writes screenplays! You may just see your most ignorant self paraded across a screen for millions to enjoy and mock. What a scary thought!
But, it does bring to the forefront of my mind the struggle I have with creating characters AND keeping my family and friends. Inevitably, someone is going to recognize themselves in my characters. I draw on my own experience and the experience of those around me when I write. It all blends together to form the characters in my stories.
But, what do I do if my friends and family don't like the reflections they see?
That's a question to ponder. I wonder if I should come with a warning sign: "Caution: All acts of ignorance and stupidity are subject to publication".
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Gone with the Wind
Gone with the Wind is the quintessential southern movie. All little southern girls grow up wanting to be just like Scarlett O'Hara. We love the romance of the time period, the hoop skirts and the frivolous barbeques, parties and dance card dramas.
But, today, I was thinking of the love story encapsulated in Civil War troubles and post-war hard times. And, unlike before, it made me sad.
Does anyone really know how to love in that story? Does anyone ever find happiness, really? I don't believe so.
Take Scarlett, for instance. She is all full of fire, fury and passion, but it is directed towards Ashley who is promised to Melanie. She wants what she can't have and she chases after it with single minded determination most of her life. She fails to see the love around her and spits in the face of society and friendship by chasing a man who belongs to another.
And, then there's Ashley. He's weak. He's promised to Melanie, and even marries her, but he is constantly drawn to Scarlett and never quite dismisses her advances. He passively leads her on by not forcefully declaring his love and faithfulness to his wife. He is drawn by her fire and passion, but knows that he is too weak to truly contain it. And, so he siphons her energy and fails to be a real man.
But, as "real men" go, none could seem to compare to Rhett Butler. Upon his entry to the story, all women, everywhere, swoon. He's rough, strong and determined. He sets his sights on Scarlett and he moves heaven and earth to win her love. He tries every tactic in his arsenal, yet he ultimately fails to live up to the ideal image of a man Scarlett has created. In the end, he is spent, used up, and barely escapes with any dignity at all.
In this crazy, mixed-up love story where everyone seems to be chasing after the wind, the only one who really shows grace, friendship and love is Melanie. And, yet, she is betrayed at every turn. She dutifully loves her husband, all the while knowing his head is turned by the overt advances of Scarlett. She is betrayed by her friend and sister-in-law who chases her husband and uses up her innocent and naive brother. And, yet, she takes it all in stride, continues to love, forgives and offers grace. She is not the "Belle of the Ball", but perhaps she should be. Perhaps her southern gentility should have been front and center. Although, some cynics would say she was a naive, abused doormat who was taken advantage of at every turn.
I must confess, I've often wanted to be Scarlett. I've wanted to have that same fire for life. Somehow, I glanced over the glaring character flaws and saw only her spirit and drive to survive, no matter the cost. But, today, I was a little surprised at my view of the story and which character seemed to reflect my own heart.
What do you see in this story? Are you one of these characters? Take a step back and think about it. What is your character saying about you? What does your love story say about who you are? It's really a cautionary tale, isn't it? What pitfalls can it help you avoid?
Just a little something to think about on this windy spring day.
But, today, I was thinking of the love story encapsulated in Civil War troubles and post-war hard times. And, unlike before, it made me sad.
Does anyone really know how to love in that story? Does anyone ever find happiness, really? I don't believe so.
Take Scarlett, for instance. She is all full of fire, fury and passion, but it is directed towards Ashley who is promised to Melanie. She wants what she can't have and she chases after it with single minded determination most of her life. She fails to see the love around her and spits in the face of society and friendship by chasing a man who belongs to another.
And, then there's Ashley. He's weak. He's promised to Melanie, and even marries her, but he is constantly drawn to Scarlett and never quite dismisses her advances. He passively leads her on by not forcefully declaring his love and faithfulness to his wife. He is drawn by her fire and passion, but knows that he is too weak to truly contain it. And, so he siphons her energy and fails to be a real man.
But, as "real men" go, none could seem to compare to Rhett Butler. Upon his entry to the story, all women, everywhere, swoon. He's rough, strong and determined. He sets his sights on Scarlett and he moves heaven and earth to win her love. He tries every tactic in his arsenal, yet he ultimately fails to live up to the ideal image of a man Scarlett has created. In the end, he is spent, used up, and barely escapes with any dignity at all.
In this crazy, mixed-up love story where everyone seems to be chasing after the wind, the only one who really shows grace, friendship and love is Melanie. And, yet, she is betrayed at every turn. She dutifully loves her husband, all the while knowing his head is turned by the overt advances of Scarlett. She is betrayed by her friend and sister-in-law who chases her husband and uses up her innocent and naive brother. And, yet, she takes it all in stride, continues to love, forgives and offers grace. She is not the "Belle of the Ball", but perhaps she should be. Perhaps her southern gentility should have been front and center. Although, some cynics would say she was a naive, abused doormat who was taken advantage of at every turn.
I must confess, I've often wanted to be Scarlett. I've wanted to have that same fire for life. Somehow, I glanced over the glaring character flaws and saw only her spirit and drive to survive, no matter the cost. But, today, I was a little surprised at my view of the story and which character seemed to reflect my own heart.
What do you see in this story? Are you one of these characters? Take a step back and think about it. What is your character saying about you? What does your love story say about who you are? It's really a cautionary tale, isn't it? What pitfalls can it help you avoid?
Just a little something to think about on this windy spring day.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Amalgamation
Characters are interesting. Or, at least, they should be. As a writer, I've noticed that some of the people in my life of late have taken on the form of a caricature in my head. They have morphed into play actors in the drama of my life. When I play back a scene in my memory, it becomes much more grandiose and colorized than how it actually occurred. When my focus was on photography, I found that I saw life in snapshots. Now that I am focusing on writing, everything is a storyline and everyone is a character.
When I sit to write these stories and portray these characters, I worry that my family and friends may recognize themselves in what I write. I am concerned that they may not like the reflection they see. But, I also want to be true to the character that is forming in my head. I believe that, in storytelling, often our characters are an amalgamation of the people that we know. In truth, many story lines are a creative combining of bits and pieces from the stories we see around us.
So, how do you defend your characters, write what's in your heart, and still have friends? How do you tell a story and create a villain who may resemble someone you know in some way and yet avoid ducking out of view when they enter the neighborhood coffee house?
I'm learning to get some distance from my characters. In doing so, I am fictionalizing them. While I want to take parts of my story and tell it, some of it should always remain mine - not for public consumption. So, in creating a rival, perhaps I blend together two characters from my past and then place them in fictional situations. Sounds great, right? But, what happens when those two people recognize a fraction of themselves and don't like what they see?
I'm leaning more and more towards the idea of creating a secondary, psuedo-identity for myself. I wonder if I would find the courage and the freedom to write the story I truly want to tell. Would I be able to blend together things I know and form those I wish to bring into being? That is the purpose of this blog. I want to explore this idea of freedom through anonymity. It's becoming more and more appealing. It's allowing me to distance myself from the personal aspects of my characters and story lines by creating another viewpoint.
I can't wait to see where this road leads.
When I sit to write these stories and portray these characters, I worry that my family and friends may recognize themselves in what I write. I am concerned that they may not like the reflection they see. But, I also want to be true to the character that is forming in my head. I believe that, in storytelling, often our characters are an amalgamation of the people that we know. In truth, many story lines are a creative combining of bits and pieces from the stories we see around us.
So, how do you defend your characters, write what's in your heart, and still have friends? How do you tell a story and create a villain who may resemble someone you know in some way and yet avoid ducking out of view when they enter the neighborhood coffee house?
I'm learning to get some distance from my characters. In doing so, I am fictionalizing them. While I want to take parts of my story and tell it, some of it should always remain mine - not for public consumption. So, in creating a rival, perhaps I blend together two characters from my past and then place them in fictional situations. Sounds great, right? But, what happens when those two people recognize a fraction of themselves and don't like what they see?
I'm leaning more and more towards the idea of creating a secondary, psuedo-identity for myself. I wonder if I would find the courage and the freedom to write the story I truly want to tell. Would I be able to blend together things I know and form those I wish to bring into being? That is the purpose of this blog. I want to explore this idea of freedom through anonymity. It's becoming more and more appealing. It's allowing me to distance myself from the personal aspects of my characters and story lines by creating another viewpoint.
I can't wait to see where this road leads.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
The Veil of Anonymity
Why is there so much power in anonymity? It seems counterintuitive that remaining nameless, and faceless, should make us brave. It's true that our words carry more weight and have more validity if we are willing to sign our name to them, but how often do we truly say what we mean?
In the South, "sugar-coating" is a way of life. We walk around with painted-on smiles and "bless" everyone's heart. Social settings are veritable mine fields of polite grenades. An outsider might only see the candy coating, but we know that every "bless her heart" and "prayer request" is often a prickly barb fired at the "sweetheart" across the room. Southern women are especially good at getting their point across without it actually sounding like an insult. We veil our true intent in pleasant words. Backhanded compliments are handed out by the dozen and phrased in such a way as to ensure plausible deniability should the offended party protest.
But, what if we were all honest? How many friends would we really have? What if we told the Bride that making her wedding day all about herself to the exclusion and pain of others just shows that she's selfish or insecure? What if we actually stood up for ourselves when a family member pitched a fit in order to get his or her way? What if we put our foot down and refused to be abused or trampled on so that someone else can feel better about their own dismal situation? What would that actually look like?
It's actually a scary thought to me.
But, wouldn't that be the most loving thing to do? How much pain could be avoided if we actually learned to set and adhere to appropriate boundaries? How many relationships would be enriched by learning to speak the truth in love to one another?
It's so easy to say, but much harder to do. In theory, I would never want my wedding to be a point of contention for people. I never want to elevate one day, one celebration, over the important relationships in my life. So what if I have to compromise on some things? But, it's much easier to say that until you are the stressed out bride being pulled in fifteen directions and trying to please everyone. Right now, I hope that my friends would love me enough to help me keep from destroying my relationships or looking like a fool. I hope that someone would tell me the truth in love, but would I really receive it? Would I hear the heart of that person or would I just pour my anger out on them?
No one really wants to be known as someone who pitches a fit to get their way, right? Or do they? It would break my heart if I though people "walked on eggshells" around me or were afraid to say anything to me for fear of my reaction. But, I wonder how many times that has been true. Do I have friends who can tell me the truth and let me know when I've stepped out of line? Would they tell me if I owed an apology or would they just egg on the contention because the drama is sweet to them?
Or what about staying in an abusive relationship? It's so difficult to judge, from the outside, what is an appropriate tolerance level in a relationship. At what point do angry words become verbal abuse? At what point does the withdrawal of love and affection become manipulation and control? It's a tough call to make. But, would I hear the truth from someone who loved me? Would anyone be brave enough to tell me?
It's in times like these that anonymity seems so sweet. I've often wanted to write biting missives and send them without a return address or signature. I've wanted to really let someone have a piece of my mind without having the consequences of my choice. It's appealing, isn't it? It's a juicy thought.
So, I'm torn.
I am writing in anonymity for now because I believe it gives me the freedom to express my thoughts and get my creative juices flowing. I'm refusing to sign my name because I want to write without limitation. But, is it a cowardly move? Or, is it a kind way to write stories where people might recognize themselves if they knew the author? By remaining anonymous, or writing under a pen name, I can write the stories I really want to tell without hurting the people I love. I can expose human flaws and characteristics (which we all have in some form or fashion) without publicly flaying the people closest to me.
So, is it cowardly or kind? I have yet to decide.
In the South, "sugar-coating" is a way of life. We walk around with painted-on smiles and "bless" everyone's heart. Social settings are veritable mine fields of polite grenades. An outsider might only see the candy coating, but we know that every "bless her heart" and "prayer request" is often a prickly barb fired at the "sweetheart" across the room. Southern women are especially good at getting their point across without it actually sounding like an insult. We veil our true intent in pleasant words. Backhanded compliments are handed out by the dozen and phrased in such a way as to ensure plausible deniability should the offended party protest.
But, what if we were all honest? How many friends would we really have? What if we told the Bride that making her wedding day all about herself to the exclusion and pain of others just shows that she's selfish or insecure? What if we actually stood up for ourselves when a family member pitched a fit in order to get his or her way? What if we put our foot down and refused to be abused or trampled on so that someone else can feel better about their own dismal situation? What would that actually look like?
It's actually a scary thought to me.
But, wouldn't that be the most loving thing to do? How much pain could be avoided if we actually learned to set and adhere to appropriate boundaries? How many relationships would be enriched by learning to speak the truth in love to one another?
It's so easy to say, but much harder to do. In theory, I would never want my wedding to be a point of contention for people. I never want to elevate one day, one celebration, over the important relationships in my life. So what if I have to compromise on some things? But, it's much easier to say that until you are the stressed out bride being pulled in fifteen directions and trying to please everyone. Right now, I hope that my friends would love me enough to help me keep from destroying my relationships or looking like a fool. I hope that someone would tell me the truth in love, but would I really receive it? Would I hear the heart of that person or would I just pour my anger out on them?
No one really wants to be known as someone who pitches a fit to get their way, right? Or do they? It would break my heart if I though people "walked on eggshells" around me or were afraid to say anything to me for fear of my reaction. But, I wonder how many times that has been true. Do I have friends who can tell me the truth and let me know when I've stepped out of line? Would they tell me if I owed an apology or would they just egg on the contention because the drama is sweet to them?
Or what about staying in an abusive relationship? It's so difficult to judge, from the outside, what is an appropriate tolerance level in a relationship. At what point do angry words become verbal abuse? At what point does the withdrawal of love and affection become manipulation and control? It's a tough call to make. But, would I hear the truth from someone who loved me? Would anyone be brave enough to tell me?
It's in times like these that anonymity seems so sweet. I've often wanted to write biting missives and send them without a return address or signature. I've wanted to really let someone have a piece of my mind without having the consequences of my choice. It's appealing, isn't it? It's a juicy thought.
So, I'm torn.
I am writing in anonymity for now because I believe it gives me the freedom to express my thoughts and get my creative juices flowing. I'm refusing to sign my name because I want to write without limitation. But, is it a cowardly move? Or, is it a kind way to write stories where people might recognize themselves if they knew the author? By remaining anonymous, or writing under a pen name, I can write the stories I really want to tell without hurting the people I love. I can expose human flaws and characteristics (which we all have in some form or fashion) without publicly flaying the people closest to me.
So, is it cowardly or kind? I have yet to decide.
What's in a Pen Name?
As I've undertaken the task of writing my own story, I find myself paralyzed by fear at times. What happens if I write the truth and it hurts someone's feelings? What happens if I take poetic license and create a false impression in someone's mind? What if I reveal something that wasn't mine to reveal in an effort to move the story forward?
All of these questions dance around in my mind and keep me from writing the story I truly want to write. For years, people have told me I should write a book detailing some of the crazy things that have happened to my family over the years. I've tried, a few times, to start such a novel, but have always fallen short because of what it may do to my relationships.
What would people think about the way I write their characters? What would they see, through my eyes, that they have yet to see in themselves? Is it worth it? What if the story is too risque and it offends my conservative friends? What if it's so conservative that it lacks any drama or passion? Will all of these things follow me, forever, into my personal life?
I've never liked the idea of celebrity. I like to maintain control of my own life, my surroundings. It makes the idea of a pen name, a false persona, extremely enticing. I wonder if it would give me the freedom to write the stories I want to write. Would it allow me to craft a narrative, choosing bits and pieces of truth and weaving them together with imaginitive story lines? Would I avoid criticism and judgment?
The bigger question is: "Could I really keep it secret?"
What good is a pen name if everyone knows it's really me anyway? In fact, I've just created this blog 15 minutes ago and have already sent the link to a friend. Does the creation of a secondary persona remove me far enough from the story for people to believe it is fiction, a blending of my life experiences and imagination?
And, what would I choose if I could name myself?
I think all of these questions will have to be answered another day, but I am quickly approaching a crossroads. I want to write. I want to publish my work. I must soon decide if I want to do that under my name or someone else's.
Life is full of choices, isn't it?
All of these questions dance around in my mind and keep me from writing the story I truly want to write. For years, people have told me I should write a book detailing some of the crazy things that have happened to my family over the years. I've tried, a few times, to start such a novel, but have always fallen short because of what it may do to my relationships.
What would people think about the way I write their characters? What would they see, through my eyes, that they have yet to see in themselves? Is it worth it? What if the story is too risque and it offends my conservative friends? What if it's so conservative that it lacks any drama or passion? Will all of these things follow me, forever, into my personal life?
I've never liked the idea of celebrity. I like to maintain control of my own life, my surroundings. It makes the idea of a pen name, a false persona, extremely enticing. I wonder if it would give me the freedom to write the stories I want to write. Would it allow me to craft a narrative, choosing bits and pieces of truth and weaving them together with imaginitive story lines? Would I avoid criticism and judgment?
The bigger question is: "Could I really keep it secret?"
What good is a pen name if everyone knows it's really me anyway? In fact, I've just created this blog 15 minutes ago and have already sent the link to a friend. Does the creation of a secondary persona remove me far enough from the story for people to believe it is fiction, a blending of my life experiences and imagination?
And, what would I choose if I could name myself?
I think all of these questions will have to be answered another day, but I am quickly approaching a crossroads. I want to write. I want to publish my work. I must soon decide if I want to do that under my name or someone else's.
Life is full of choices, isn't it?
Getting Gutsy
I love to tell stories.
I love to write.
I love painting pictures with words.
But, lately...
I've been stuck.
About a year ago, I started writing my story. I was excited to get the words on paper, to have the thoughts out of my mind and into my hands. I worked on it continually. When I wasn't writing, I was working out plot points in my head.
And, then I received a harsh, albeit helpful, review. And now, I'm stuck.
As a writer, as an artist of any kind, really, you leave a portion of yourself in your work. Even if you try to distance yourself from your characters or the story line, it inevitably still carries your DNA. So, any sort of critique, as well-meaning as they often are, can feel personal and painful. An exercise intended to grow and develop you as an artist can wind up stalling the artistic process as you lick your wounds.
And, so I've started this blog. This is an exercise in bravery for me. This is an exercise in learning to seperate myself from my characters and story lines, to take a step back. It may not seem "gutsy" to write all of this without signing my name, but everyone must crawl before they walk, right?
So, I'm getting gutsy. I am using this blog to spill my heart, my very guts, onto the page. Maybe by simply writing, I will find the will to finish what I've started.
Here's hoping.
I love to write.
I love painting pictures with words.
But, lately...
I've been stuck.
About a year ago, I started writing my story. I was excited to get the words on paper, to have the thoughts out of my mind and into my hands. I worked on it continually. When I wasn't writing, I was working out plot points in my head.
And, then I received a harsh, albeit helpful, review. And now, I'm stuck.
As a writer, as an artist of any kind, really, you leave a portion of yourself in your work. Even if you try to distance yourself from your characters or the story line, it inevitably still carries your DNA. So, any sort of critique, as well-meaning as they often are, can feel personal and painful. An exercise intended to grow and develop you as an artist can wind up stalling the artistic process as you lick your wounds.
And, so I've started this blog. This is an exercise in bravery for me. This is an exercise in learning to seperate myself from my characters and story lines, to take a step back. It may not seem "gutsy" to write all of this without signing my name, but everyone must crawl before they walk, right?
So, I'm getting gutsy. I am using this blog to spill my heart, my very guts, onto the page. Maybe by simply writing, I will find the will to finish what I've started.
Here's hoping.
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